i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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