Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
