there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
