turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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