Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
