We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
They are going to name an STD after you.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
