I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize