I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
