am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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