we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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