this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
