Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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