Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
