i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
why do cheetos always look like penises
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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