me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize