Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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