You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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