Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
