party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
