So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
