It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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