We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Do you remember whose house we're in?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
