Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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