Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize