Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
