he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
