the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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