you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think your dad took our porno
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
