don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
