She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
