watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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