is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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