is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
operation harelip BJ is a go
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
