The maid of honor just puked.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
