Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
