id be glad to
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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