we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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