Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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