WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
false alarm, still single
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
