We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
