You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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