Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
