someone threw a dead crab at me
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
