I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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