please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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