I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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