1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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