I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
