Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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