I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
