He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
