A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
