when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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