You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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