Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
