Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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