just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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