HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
