im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
