My hair reeks of homosexuality.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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