Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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