That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The feeling are messing with the penis
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize