and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
