Just took my morning after pill in the library
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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