Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
