i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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