hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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