I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
