I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
