I need to stop coming to work sober
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize